Jan 24, 2016

New Heart, New Beginnings.

I guess I could say a lot has happened since I last wrote. My last post was probably the hardest I have ever tried to write. But now, after these months past, it's not as hard to read. There is still that hurt, deep inside, whenever I really stop to think about it. But, like people say, it does get easier.

I did need help though. I had fallen down a deep well of melancholy that I could not, or did not want to, climb out of. I found someone I could talk to, someone impartial that I could say anything that was on my mind. Things I did not want to say to those whom I loved. I guess it is helping. It's a process. One that can not be fixed in a short period of time. Well, enough about me.

Not long after Dads funeral, my husband went on the heart transplant list. It was a blow. The last thing we needed in our time of grief. But we were told it would be at least 3 to 6 months before anything was likely to happen. So we breathed a small sigh of relief and tried to deal with the news as best we could. We had some time to get organised. Train up staff to manage the shop while Hubby would be out of action, get the house in order...those kinds of things.

So you can imagine our utter panic and shock when just 5 weeks later, at 6:30 in the morning, hubby got.. "THE CALL"

I was getting ready for work, one shoe on, the other foot, sockless, when he emerges from the bedroom.

"So, um, I'm going in for a heart transplant."

I look at him. He is as white as a sheet.

"Are you fucking kidding me!"  Yes, that was my reaction. We were totally unprepared. Didn't even have his hospital bag ready. I know I don't have to tell you all that when you are called into hospital, you go to the hospital with all haste. We live an hour's drive away. Things were thrown into bags, the boy woken and dressed and we are in the car in perhaps 10 minutes.

Anyway. Long story short, we arrived at the hospital and hubby had to go through a number of tests and such. Poor thing was out of his mind with worry. It was a stressful day for all. He eventually got wheeled into the operating room at 8pm that evening. The son and I were exhausted. My sister lives near the hospital and she pretty much ordered me to come to her place for a meal and sleep. I got the call that hubby was ok at about 12:30am.

It's been a long hard road for us all, hubby in particular. So far, the heart is behaving beautifully with no signs of rejection. It's the "other" things that you never hear about that are troubling him. The side effects from the copious amounts of drugs he has to take. The extremely restrictive diet he is now on. Things he is feeling now that he actually has a working heart, that he never felt before. Things we take for granted. Like being breathless from doing exercise and not because your heart is stuffed. Having hot toes. Yes, hot toes. Previously, heart disease meant poor blood circulation and...cold toes. All the time.

We don't know anything about the donor. Only thing they were allowed to tell us is that the heart wasn't from the same hospital. It could have come from anywhere in Australia. All we know is that it was a perfect match for my husband and no-one else. This person, no matter who they were and what they did with their life; gave the ultimate gift in their departure. A simple tick on their drivers licence, something they probably never really thought about again, saved my husbands life.

And for that, I will be eternally grateful.

Aug 22, 2015

The pain of Loss

Please excuse me if I jump around here.
I don't even know where to begin.
On the 29th of July 2015 my dad lost his battle with cancer. Thankfully, he passed away peacefully in his sleep with my Mum and sister with him. It was Mum's birthday the next day. I was due to arrive two days later. I was too late.
I've never lost anyone close to me. Never felt the awful pain that I did, and still do. Never felt so disconnected with everything like I do. Never sat back and re-evaluated my life up to this point in time. Things I have felt, thought about, seen.
Just going through the motions of trying to appear normal. It's when I am alone, times like now, that it hits me all over again. He is gone. I will never hear his voice again. Never see his smile, never receive one of his massive warm hugs. Never sit with him in comfortable silence, with no need for any words.
My pain is for myself, my brother and sisters, but it is also for my Mum. The heartbreak of loosing the person you loved and lived with for nearly 50 years. I can't even imagine. It would be like loosing a part of yourself. My parents were in love since the day they met and never spent any long periods of time apart from one another.
Us four kids are not really into being the centre of attention. But we all spoke at Dad's funeral. My younger sister did the eulogy. I recited a poem I wrote (the day before). My older sister spoke about her time with dad and so did my brother. My brother in particular astonished me. He is a man of very few words, but he captivated everyone with his heartfelt speech.
I know people say that the pain gets less over the years. Maybe it will. But for now, it hurts like hell.

I miss you, Daddy.

May 20, 2015


Hey everyone.

Well I have good news and not so good news..
The not so good news first.

Hubby had his annual Heart check-up and the results were not good. Basically, without boring you with details, his heart is not doing so well.. we are looking at transplant. He is supposed to be taking it easy..not so simple with the business. Anyway, he took it pretty hard. Freaked him out a bit. And I am freaking out a little as well. But then it wasn't like it was unexpected. Still... it's not nice to have to face reality when you're not ready for it.

My Dad is doing ok. After he and Mum have finally moved into a house they are both a lot happier. And my little sister is living there to now. Not with them, in a place of her own. She is so cute. She was all excited on the phone to me about how she has to budget her money now. LOL.. Welcome to the adult world little sis.

Business is doing pretty good. My little coffee bar is slowly gaining it's regulars. We have customer loyalty cards now. Every 5th cup free. Yes I am that generous.. haha.

I was able to build myself a kick-ass gaming pc and I have re-discovered Skyrim...with MODS! Never thought I'd be a PC gamer, but I am hooked. Oh I still use a controller, so I haven't completely conformed.

Been getting into my art again. When I have time to do it that is. Just a canvas, a tag and a little mixed media book. I will post pics when I can..

I've been thinking of creating a new blog page dedicated to my art work. I have my name registered now, under our corporation, so I need to start promoting. What do you guys think of another blog here on Blogger? It means I will be around here more as well..

Nov 14, 2014

Ramblings and some news

So first off, my son celebrated his 14th birthday a couple of weeks ago. He had two friends for a sleepover and LAN party. For those not in the know (or should I say for those of you who aren't giant geeks) a LAN party is when you bring all your computers to one location and connect them all via cable and game together. Well this was Hubby's element so the boys were in good hands. We also took them out for authentic Italian pizza and a gorgeous rich chocolate cake that I made. 

We are now officially the coolest parents. Ever. Oh and I LOVE his friends because they thought I was in my twenties... hehehe.. Hubby is mortified..the poor dear. :) (which reminds me, I will have to blog about my 40th. It was super special)

I FINALLY GOT THE CAR I WANTED!!! Yes.. I have a Subaru Forester. It's all silver and we got the windows re-tinted and I LOVE her! yes...it is a she, and her name is YUKI (pronounced yooki). It's Japanese meaning is happiness and good fortune. She's so pretty. We got a really good price for her and the previous owner had it serviced all the time. 

In other news.. Months ago we started seriously looking for a business to buy. Well we had one lined up. It was the sister company of the business Hubby was working at. An IT business that caters to the retail side, while the other company does business. To cut a long story short, the owner decided he didn't want to sell it, but now he has changed his mind again and we are now in a position to buy it. We are getting it for a really good price and at the moment it is very profitable, but with the things in mind we have for it, it could prove to be an extremely good investment. We are going to turn it into a kind a internet cafe place where people can come in, get their computers, phones, laptops fixed. Also we sell new, and we are going to offer How-to classes. As well as serving one hell of a good coffee. Did I tell you I am a qualified Barista now? I can't remember, anyway, I am and we are going to put a coffee machine in there. 

I can't really think of much else. Our plans for christmas have gone a little awry... Hubby may have to miss a day or two at the holiday house we have booked near my folks, because of the shop..but oh well.  

Oh.. I told you that Moby was living outside now (not in the shed at night) an while he has been very good, he did get in a fight the other night. Naughty kitty. He got a good smack in the face to. Not by me.. from the other cat. Anyway he is now sporting a badass cut on the side of his face. Don't worry, it's not bad and he is fine. He got a severe talking to from me though. Fighting at his age... 

Look what my local supermarket had!!! I nearly fell over myself when I saw them.. I have been wanting to try authentic S'mores for so long! Toasted them Aussie-style...over the BBQ.. heh. And yeah, they were worth it for the devineness that was them (and also because now I know how to make them with aussie products). We don't have Graham crackers here, but I will find something similar. The only thing I didn't like about this kit was the chocolate they provided wasn't quite right. Not thin enough and the squares weren't right. But I will do my own research and make Aussie S'mores if it's the last thing I do on this good earth!!! 

That's it for now. :)

Oct 16, 2014

Daily Planner.

So I haven't really had much time to be overly crafty lately. One project I am working on, however is a 2015 daily planner. I have spent a lot of time searching the Internet for the best way to set out my planner. What would be best to suit my needs and the closest one I found was the Erin Condrin Life Planner. Now I could have just ordered one of them (if I had a spare $50 - $70)..or I could do what I always do and just DIY it. 

I set out the planner to have the week spread out over two pages, laying flat. Each day is in columns and broken into three sections: Morning, Afternoon and Evening. I have a section for a WEEKLY TO DO list and Saturday and Sunday are halved into the one column.. to give me a bit more width for weekdays. I printed out these pages on nice Strathmore cream drawing paper and bound the seven signatures (Groups of four pages) with dental floss. (dental floss for the waxed coating and it wont break. I bound all seven signatures together and then covered the loose book with a nice thick patterned card stock. 

As for the cover I have gone for a hand made leather slip cover. I decided to make it a slip cover in case I wanted to make the same planner for the year after. It's a simple design. One long piece of leather, slightly higher than the book and then folded over and sewn to form the slip bits the book is held into place by.  

I haven't done the cover yet, but I am quite pleased how the actual planner has turned out. It's very sturdy and firm, meaning I bound it well. My book binding has gotten a lot better since I last tried it. Yes I will post pics when it is all done. 

Oh.. one thing I did work on a few months ago was this drawing. It's done with different black ink pens on the Strathmore Drawing paper... 

It's pretty detailed and took me quite a few days to do. That colour is not true.. it's actually on cream paper. 

And this is Moby unsuccessfully trying to be a sausage roll.