Dec 27, 2010

Christmas Ramblings, a Saucy Dish and some Good Looking Birds.

We woke up to another rainy day on Christmas morning. After Breakfast we watched our son open his presents. Hubby and I opened ours and then it was time to do a bit of cleaning until it was time to go to my sister-in-laws place. For those who read my blog about the whole Christmas day drama, you would know that I wasn’t looking forward to going. Anyway, we get there and walk into their downstairs rumpus room and it is full to the brim with toys! I mean they only have two children, aged 3 and 8 and the amount of presents was way beyond excessive. Who buys an adult sized skate-board for a three year old? Hubby and I were not impressed to say the least. So these kids were so over opening presents buy the time it came to opening ours. Or so we thought. We had bought the little girl the Barbie doll she had once pointed out to me on a shopping trip. Our son had bought her one to play with in the bath. She played with these two Barbie dolls all day, declaring that they were her favourite presents ever! (*insert smug chuckle here*)
The little boy spent all day playing with the Chuggington train set we got him for his birthday (which was the day before) and the Toy Story Rex we got him for Christmas. (*Insert next smug chuckle here*).
So score 1 for the POV people! LOL! We may not be able to afford to buy the kids hundreds of dollars in presents, but we defiantly got them just what they wanted! And yeah Mum was a little miffed. (HEH)
So I also had to put up with my husband’s horrible mother, who, after she realized that my Hubby was not going to be sweet and indulgent to her, she turned nasty, and attention seeking for the rest of the day. Though she copped it from me a couple of times. One time Hubby was teasing our son and she told him he should give hubby a raspberry. Which I replied loudly “No he won’t because he isn’t that rude”. Then she got into trouble with her daughter because the little girl turned around and did it to her father. (LOL)
Oh and after all my efforts of making fruit mince pies, and being denied making the deserts, my hubbys sister ended up making pavlova AND trifle. So no-one ate the pies. Oh but everyone had the lactose-free ice-cream we made specially for her son and loved it. The little boy was in rapture eating it because he hadn’t had it before!
At 3:30 in the afternoon we eventually had lunch. Yes. 3:30. My brother-in-law cooks about 19 roasts (ok so only 5 but you get what I mean..) to the point of them being almost dried shriveled husks (ok so maybe not that bad but they are a bit on the overcooked side) . The highlight of the lunch/afternoon tea was that two beautiful King Parrots came and sat on the railing (We were eating alfresco). So beautiful. I managed to get a pic of one when it flew into the tree. It sat there for ages watching us! After desert (pavlova not made by me) we had a game of Pictionary Man with some cosmopolitans (mmm.. vodka).

King Parrots mate for life so it was a rare sight to see the two of them.
Boxing day we woke up late, and went to the sales. Our son spent his gift voucher from his Aunty (my little sister), and we bought new pillows for all the beds. (dbs, you’ll appreciate that one). Later I made MY Pavlova with Chantilly cream and my special strawberries in sauce. Hubby cooked a pork roast he’d been preparing for two days. We had his dad and his lady-friend over for dinner. We played xBox Scene-it, and then Scrabble. I went out in the pouring rain to get myself a couple of bottles of red wine. The roast was perfect (naturally my hubby is a genius cook) and they had second helpings of my pavlova (naturally I am just as talented..LOL). It was a great night. Much calmer than Christmas day. Oh and they left with some pies.. lol.

MMMM... PAVLOVA!
It has been raining so much for so long that all the rivers are flooding. Towns are getting cut off, bridges swept away and roads are being closed everywhere. I know I remarked that I wanted a wet Christmas but this is getting serious. Our river is expected to peek over 11 meters (over 36 feet!) this evening! Lucky for us we live on a hill of sorts. Our little wrens think it’s great. Splashing in the little river in our yard that runs from the water tank. I’ve been very snap-happy lately and managed to get a few pics of our birds around here.
So hard to get a pic of these little guys. They never stay still for long enough! This was taken on megazoom from my house.
Rainbow Lorikeets enjoying the rain
And the rest who decided they'd had enough rain.
P.S I hope the Christmas part of this blog didn't come off as too bitchy. I guess if I can't spend Christmas with my family then they are the next best thing and there are people out there who don't have anyone to spend special days with. But it goes to show that money isnt the be all and end all. Also, Hubby and I couldn't help but be a little amused that the kids loved our presents more.
Next year we are going to ether have christmas at our place, or go to an old peoples home, or homeless shelter and volounteer our time to people who will appreciate it. Not to be self-righteous or anything, but because it's something we want to do.

Dec 23, 2010

The Fruitiest Mince Pies Ever!


My whole house smelt like these little guys today. A week ago I made my own fruit mince from scratch and today I finished making them. SO of course I had to take a picture of them with my new camera. lol. They were given the thumbs up from my Hubby, who is a fussy git so I am happy with them. That's one more for the recipe book! (We are actually writing a recipe book..)
Oh and I may not be on the next few days so I want to take this time to thank all of you who follow and/or comment on my page (and whos' pages I follow) and have been so thoughtful, thought provoking, inspiring and nice, and have made my new experience here on blogger to be a very awesome one.
Merry Christmas and have safe and happy New Years celebrations.

Dec 22, 2010

Despite this, My Cat still Loves Me..

After many weeks of saving I finally bought myself a new camera! It's a Canon Powershot XS120 IS. I love it. It is so clever. While I work out the many features on it ,I have the setting on AUTO and it does everything. After visiting Carens' Cat Chat I was inspired to do some creative Photography. Subject: Moby.
While he wasn't a very co-operative model I did manage to snap a few cute pics. (After I realised I should have set the camera to SMALL CHILDREN AND PETS. lol.. oh well.. live and learn!) Merry Christmas everyone!
I managed to sit him in a white wreath I have

this one was blurry because he was trying to escape..

This one is my favourite so I jazzed it up a little

Dec 21, 2010

Bah Humbug!


This is the time of year that kind of hits a raw nerve with me. This year I am sad about the loss of our ivf/embryo/baby. I am missing my parents. My husband’s health is not good. I start thinking about how pissed off at my sisters I am. And now Christmas day itself has turned into one big drama. Courtesy of my husband’s sister.
Here’s the thing..
Every year we have gone to their place for Christmas because they didn’t want to come to our place.  I get that the first year was because my brother-in-law had just come home from his tour of duty in Iraq and wanted to do his Christmas thing, which includes roasting every sort of meat known to man. I get that. Then the year after it was that our house was too small (Even though their house was way smaller). This year there was no excuse, it was a flat out “NO, we are doing it at OUR place”. And given that we don’t have much money we agreed reluctantly, on the condition that hubby would make his fabulous chicken roll, and I would make the deserts. We discussed this on one or two occasions. Tonight we ring them and his sister says, no you can’t bring a chicken roll, I’m roasting a chicken. AND she is also making a Pavlova. Which I said I would make. She ended up yelling at my hubby down the phone and pulled her “Everyone is against me” routine, stressing my hubby out and making him not feel well (easy to do with a dying heart).
So basically they have made us out to be the pov people who aren’t bringing anything, and once again they can throw in our faces how much more money they earn than us. I know this sounds like awful bitching but I am pissed off! Mainly because they have forgotten the fact that my husband doesn’t have that many Christmas’s left in him and all he wants to do is entertain. That’s his bliss. And also because I am sick of having to do everything THEIR way. No really, it happens all the time and I am getting more than annoyed about it.
So I hit the roof. I let them know I was mad, which is something I normally don’t do. I told them flat out that we are doing Christmas at our house next year, and if they don’t come then tuff!
Am I being a bitch or are they being unreasonable and selfish? I know Christmas is supposed to be the time of good cheer and stuff, and that my whining may come off as trivial, but it’s turning out to be the one day I’d rather sleep right through and miss.

Dec 17, 2010

Memories of Christmas.

Having just read a lovely Christmas story by dbs here , and just finished making a batch of fruit mince from scratch I am feeling all nostalgic-y, so I thought I'd write about my memories of Christmas.
I can't really remember any of my childhood Christmas's all that well. I remember my older sister making me grope around for presents in our parents dark wardrobe. I felt something soft, fluffy and with a plastic nose.
That was the year she got a large stuffed Basset-hound toy. I also remember the year I pestered my parents for a pair of skates, that they couldn't afford. Christmas morning I woke up to a pair of gleaming white skates with red wheels. I also remember the year I finally got my very own bike and not my brothers hand-me-down. It was a pink mountain bike. I remember the year I decided to make a baked Alaska and it turned out to be the hottest day in the history of our time. I had my Mum helping me shape the meringue into a snowy mountain, so we could quickly whip it in the oven before the ice cream melted everywhere! We were in fits of laughter as I yelled "GO! GO! GO!" like a commando squat team leader. One year we were renting a house that had a pool and so as luck would have it, it turned out to be the coldest, rainest Christmas in the history of our time. It didn't stop us kids from plunging into the pool though. That is the best Christmas I remember with my brother and sisters. It was 1992. (My anger towards my siblings now is an entirely new blog in itself)
I remember that we were a poor family with three kids, and yet my parents always managed to get us that one gift we'd all been dying to receive that year. And it wasn't until I was a parent (single mum) myself that I realised just how much my parents sacrificed for us kids. I went through my childhood not even knowing that we were poor. We were always fed, happy, and with a roof over our heads. But as I got older and understood the value of money, I realised that my parents did everything they could to provide us with a happy and safe home. Even if it meant that they went without some things. These days kids learn about the value of money earlier I guess. If my son wants something he saves and saves his pocket money for it.
This is the first year that I will be spending Christmas without my parents. They are retired now and are traveling around Australia. I was really disappointed when they said that they wouldn't be back for Christmas. It's hit me a bit hard (especially after our recent tragedy) just how much I miss them and how special every Christmas with them was. But they are living their dream and I would not begrudge them for that.
So I am spending Christmas with my husbands family this year. Which is nice.
But just not the same.
This is my tree. In a red, green and white theme this year. Yeah I'm a little crazed when it comes to decorating and the whole present matching thing.

Dec 15, 2010

How I met my Cat.


How I met my Cat.
In 2001 I was a very new single mum. I had moved in with my parents, and when my son was 8 months old I decided to get myself a kitty. So I looked through the local papers until I found an add I liked the sound of. I rang the owners and a time was set to view the kittens.
When I arrived I was greeted at the door by what I was later told was the kittens mother. She was a gorgeous short haired ginger and white kitty. The Daddy was ginger and white as well but he had longer hair. The owners took me to the room that the kittens were in and I sat on the floor to watch them for a bit while they waddled around and played with each other. They were only three weeks old at this stage, and today I was only picking out which one I wanted. They wouldn’t be ready to take home for a few more weeks after they were weaned off their mummy.
I eventually decided on one kitten that was a light ginger all over, and cuddled it for a while before bidding a reluctant goodbye.
Some time later the kittens owners rang to tell me my little fur baby was ready to be picked up!
When I got there things didn’t quite go to plan. I spotted the kitten I had picked and when I went to pick it up it hissed at me and ran away! Oh no! What was I going to do? I couldn’t bear to have a kitty who hated me! Lol..
I sat there for a while hoping that the kitty would come out. But while I was waiting, another kitty spotted me. He was a very cute chubby baby, with lovely ginger and white markings on him. He waddled over to me, climbed into my lap and looked up into my eyes. I had been PICKED, and I was in love. The feeling was obviously mutual.
I took my new fur baby home. He was so small and cute. I named him Moby. My son and Moby got along so well I nick-named them “The Twins”. If one was getting into mischief you could bet the other was not far behind, or lending a helping hand/paw.
Moby grew into an enormous long haired scruff of a cat. He is extremely loving and follows me everywhere, sticking to my leg like a barnacle. His fur gets everywhere. He once went missing for two days, before he eventually turned up again. One morning I found him with a cat food tin stuck on his head. He loves to chase sticks, hates dogs and chases them to. He loves to squeeze his big body into the smallest of places. He sometimes sleeps in the weirdest of spots, and in the craziest positions.
It shocked me to realize that he is now nine years old. I think he is the cat I’ve had for the longest amount of time. I’ve been very lucky in that he has been a very healthy cat, having only had to take him to the vet once in all his years.
 I know He is an old timer now, and that one day he will eventually pass on, but while he is still with us he will be dearly loved.
He will be my Moby.

Dec 12, 2010

Special Children's Christmas Party

Today we took our son to the annual Special Children's Christmas Party. It was held at the convention centre and I can honestly say it was awesome! It was held over two of the huge halls and was full of jumping castles of every shape and size and a giant ball pit (which reminded me of my favourite Big Bang Theory episode. BAZINGA!) While waiting in the line at the sinking Titanic jumping castle, we got to talking to another mother who had her little son with her. She told us that she didn't know if he would be able to climb up the chute that led to the top of the slide, so my son took the little boy in charge, and guided him up the stairs and even slid down the slide with him, each time. One camera man thought it was so cute (more like a great piece of footage) he filmed it and it was on the evening news! We were so proud of him! (Our son...not the camera man, though I am sure he is talented....)
There were police vehicles and a bunch of Harley Davidson's for the kids to get photos with. Our boy sat on a police motorbike. There were also heaps of characters walking around the halls. Our son got photos with Darth Vader, A bunch of Storm Troopers, and the dude from Halo!
He got to pat baby farm animals, and a police puppy-in-training, and saw a police horse do a huge pee on the carpet (which he thought was hilarious). He got a huge blue and white balloon hat given to him by some talented policemen (who apparently moonlight as balloon artists).
Every kid who went (and there were heaps), got a present at the end as well. Our son got a really cool remote control Camaro (like Bumblebee) with light-up wheels, some light-up dice, and this cool flashlight with a radio and a compass in it.
It was a big day, but it was also a GREAT day. 
ARMED AND DANGEROUS!
(This was outside before we went into the halls.)

Dec 10, 2010

MY ART

Just wanted to share some of the things I've painted/drawn over the last few years. Hope you like.
Hibiscus. Christmas present for Mum 2009

Quick sketch and watercolour wash of Koi pond (It didn't scan all that well)

Trevelly. Christmas present for Dad 2009

Dragon

Elephant Tray. Present for Mum

Lillies. For myself, I like lillies :)

Bowl of Fruit (Photo is fuzzy, took it on with my phone before I discovered digital cameras..lol)

Old World Roses. Pretty mirror

Dec 7, 2010

BIG KITTIES!




Last year we were lucky enough to afford to get yearly passes to Dreamworld Theme Park. I didn't care for whatever else we had planned for the day after I saw my Tigers. They are what I went for. I even got to pat one once!I'm pretty much in love with all of these big beautiful boys. I have many photos of them, but I picked out a few of my favourites to share with you.



This white one is the Daddy


Dec 6, 2010

To Breathe - A Poem

I wrote this when I fell in love with my husband.


To breathe


To learn to live

To letting go

Opening your heart

To not be afraid

To welcome new feelings

To forget old fears

To love fiercely

Without thought or effort

To just being with you

To hold

To breathe



26/8/08
©SWestlake2008

Dec 2, 2010

I feel like...

my heart has been ripped out of my chest and stomped on and then put back in. I feel this overwhelming sadness that, although has eased from yesterday (which was truly the saddest day of my life so far) to just lingering there in the background, to come out in my quiet times, or when I see something that reminds me of babies. Even now my throat aches and my eyes well up with tears. I did alot of crying yesterday. Great sobbing inconsolable crying. So much that it gave me a humongous headache. It started in the toilet. I had been having those stomach aches I get before I get a period, then I went to the loo and there it was. I started sobbing in there and Hubby came to the door. "Oh hunny" he said sadly.. "I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry".... I sobbed and bawled. "Please come out so I can comfort you" he said.  We lay on the bed for ages while he held me and I cried. There was just nothing else to do.
I know its silly to cry over the loss of a 5 day old embryo. But it was MY little embryo. It was the start of a new little life. It had been placed in my care and it died. Never to have the chance. We had named it "Eggy".
To know that it was in there and it still didn't live is even more heartbreaking. I cant fathom how other women can do this, time and time again. This is the most horrible feeling ever. I can barely see the keyboard My eyes are so full of tears. I'm not just morning the loss of this embryo, I'm grieving that I will never have the chance to have another baby. That is a hard thing for me to deal with because I am a healthy fertile female. 
Hubby is blaming himself.
He is blaming the leukemia he had as a child.
But I don't blame him. He cant help that he got sick. It's just something that happened.
I didn't want to have to deal with the grief and loss I am feeling now. This was our last hope with IVF. We just don't have the money to do it again. Even if we did I don't know if I could go through with it again. This is just too hard. It hurts too much. 

Nov 30, 2010

Just call me Snow White..



We have a family of Superb Fairy Wrens living in the bush in our front yard. I am so in love with these beautiful little things. The family seems to have expanded over the spring time and now there are dozens of these tiny adorable little creatures flitting from tree to bush, twittering and trilling away all day. The females are brown with an attractive red slash across their eyes. The male (there is only one) has a black and blue head and a vibrant electric blue body. He is a very handsome boy.
They are extremely playful and inquisitive. I can stand at the window and whistle at them and they hop over through the branches of the tree to look at me. Even when we walk through the garden they don’t seem to be too afraid of us and come out to have a look at who is passing by their home.
It was perhaps this lack of a sense of danger that got one little female in trouble one day.
I was sitting at my computer when my cat Moby passed by the door, making a funny noise. I immediately sensed that he was up to something and raced out the door, to find that he had a bird in his mouth. I yelled at him and he took off into the garage and hid under the car.  I crouched down and, Moby, sensing he was in big trouble, didn’t put up a fight when I dragged him out. Holding him by the scruff of his neck so as not to hurt him or the bird I said through gritted teeth “LET GO!” and amazingly he did. He literally spat the bird out. I scooped it up in my hands, the cat now forgotten. I thought, surely it was dead, it was so tiny, it would have easily been crushed. But while I was thinking this the bird suddenly wriggled in my fingers. “HUNNY!” I yelled taking it into the house. We popped it into an old sock to keep it warm and while I held onto the little bundle Hubby got a bird cage ready we just happened to have. Then we put the bird, still in the sock, inside the cage, and rang the bird rescue place to find out what to do. The lady told us not to feed it or give it water, because of the shock. If it survived the night then it would be ok to let it go. We covered the cage with a towel and I could hear her peeping quietly under it. We left the cage downstairs to give her some peace and quiet and time to recover.
The next morning with some trepidation I lifted up the towel and there she was, flitting around the cage and looking very sprightly indeed! She had lost her tail feathers but didn’t look like she had any other damage done to her. So I took her outside and positioned the cage near the bush were the Wrens lived. I opened the door and she flew straight out, greeted with much twitterings and excitement from the others.  I felt so good.
I went around the other side of the bush and wheeled our bin back inside our yard (It had been bin night) and when I passed the Wrens bush they all suddenly came out and sat on the outer branches and twittered at me. I felt like Snow White. Snow White in a big bright pink fluffy dressing gown.

Nov 28, 2010

What Makes a Great Person?

shower cat Pictures, Images and Photos
What would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail?


A lot of people have a different opinion on what makes a person Great. My husband and I have differing points for example.
Take Jessica Watson. The young teenage girl who sailed solo around the world and has just recently received a “Young Australian of the Year” award.  My hubby says that there are far more deserving young Aussies who should have received this award. He said that there are hundreds of people out there, who, every day devote their time, a lot of it voluntary, to help out the disadvantaged, disabled and the many charity organizations out there with no thought of reward, or recognition. He says all Jessica did really was sail a boat and get loads of media exposure for it.
While I agree with him that there are many unsung heroes out there, I believe that what makes a person great to be a much easier role to fill. I believe that ANYONE, who inspires ANYONE else to do something that they only ever dreamed of, is a great person.  Who knows who was watching Jessica achieve her dreams and then went out and did something great themselves because they believed that they could do it if she could? We all had that one teacher at school who we really connected with and who we remember later on as the one who inspired us to write, or paint etc…  Even a stranger passing us on the street who offers someone a random act of kindness will inspire us to do the same to someone else.
No matter how big or small these acts of greatness are, if they inspired just one person to make a difference in their lives, then I say that person is truly great.

Nov 27, 2010

*SIGH*

Depressed.  Confused.  Hormonal.
I'm all teary and girly and stupid at the moment. Stupid hormones.
Chucked a major hissy-fit before just cooking dinner. My poor hubby copped the brunt of it, and it was over the most stupid thing (how to cook the potatoes). I don't know how many more days of this I can take!
This sucks :(
It's amazing how many pregnancy symptoms there are that are similar to other things. I wish there was one all-telling symptom that made you go.. "AHA! Yep, I'm definitely pregnant!"
This Two Week Wait (yes there is a name for this hell) is the most frustrating time ever. You're in limbo. Torn between moments of absolute peacefullness, and then doubt and depression, and throw in a few irrational tantrums as well.
You're counting down the days, but they are going too slow.
Every little unusual tweak your body gives makes your heart race and your imagination starts running wild.
anyway....
I'm over my hissy-fit. Think I'll go have a nice shower with my natural rose soap.

Nov 25, 2010

Am I Up the Duff or was it the Cheese?

Bleh!
Well one thing for sure, I hate waiting. Two weeks is SUCH A LONG TIME!!!!
I had a look at a site before, listing early signs in pregnancy, and I pretty much had ALL of them. But then I don't know if it's because I'm up the duff, or if it's my usual PMS. If it IS PMS then the timing is wrong, it's too late. I am due for a period on the 2nd, and I get PMS smack bang in the middle of my cycle.Then again, it could be the cheese I had for lunch.
This is what I have at the moment:
My stomach is bloated to the max (and sore)
My nipples are sore
I felt sick this morning
I almost vomited at the smell of the mushrooms hubby was cooking last night
Im in a cleaning frenzy
Irritable
Tired

Day five-six:
size 0.1 - 0.2mm
Apparently the embryo secretes this enzyme stuff that erodes the lining of the uterus, making it ready for the embryo to implant. This also keeps the production of progesterone up (hence the swollen tummy), which in turn maintains the blood rich lining of the uterus.



7 - 12 days
size 0.1 - 0.2mm
Cells surrounding the embryo continue to engulf and destroy cells of the uterine lining creating blood pools and stimulating new capillaries to grow - beginning the growth of the placenta.Meanwhile the cells inside are still splitting and growing.


I.HATE.WAITING...

Nov 24, 2010

Beauty is all Around - A poem

Morning Dew Pictures, Images and Photos


Beauty is all around

When life is not being kind
I escape inside my mind
And rejoice in what my thought brings
The beauty in the smallest things
Like..
Sleeping kittens, tiny and new
Golden sunlit morning dew
Flowers glistening after rain
A gentle flickering candle flame

A dragonfly on gossamer wings
Pond ripples in perfect rings
Sparkling silver moonlit trails
Left by common garden snails

Then I think of beauty more grand
Like southern beaches with pale sand
Reflections on water from city lights
Clear and crisp star filled nights

A rainbow stretched across the sky
Black thunderclouds rolling by
A gentle flowing forest stream
White capped mountains with peaks extreme

So when you are full of sadness and doubt
Open your eyes and look about
And you will see what I have found
There is beauty all around.

3/08/2007

©copyright SWestlake 2007

Nov 23, 2010

Yes I'm talking about my Embryo. Again.

Embryo - day four

This is the picture the IVF clinic made of my little embryo. Isn’t she pretty? Lol…
We got to the clinic today and spoke to one of the scientists. She told us that the embryo has kept on developing overnight and now has 9 cells! It had 8 when it was defrosted. So she/he has continued growing.  That is promising.
The implant went well. Now the embryo will float around in there for a couple of days, and then my body somehow detects that it’s there and will start the process of attaching it to the uterus wall. Hopefully. That’s the plan anyway. I have to wait to take the pregnancy blood test until the 7th of December. My period is due before that, so if I do (please no) get them then I will know sooner that it didn’t work.
Also, we FINALLY got our car back. Actually working. With air-con! It’s been two weeks and one day. I am so glad we have it back, it was really starting to stress us out (and I REALLY don’t need the stress right now) because we were starting to think that maybe we would have to get a new car and we are so broke right now. It’s a big weight off our shoulders.
You know how I said I Barry White-ed a pumpkin? Well…now we have EIGHT! We’re going to be up to our ears in pumpkins! And the vine is still growing like mad, and making its way round the whole back yard. Taking over everything. (Like Trifids) I tell you, if I ever lose my son I’ll know the first place to look.

Nov 22, 2010

Go you little Embryo!


Just a quick note. The IVF clinic rang today to say that the little embryo has thawed out "beautifully". I'm so proud of it! lol..
Anyway, implant is at 12:30pm. Wish me/us luck!

Nov 20, 2010

Butterfly - A poem


Butterfly

She struggles weakly, one last time
She is dying
Her pretty blue wings now broken
Under the spiders silken shroud

How fleeting and momentary her life was
Did anyone notice her passing?
Did she make you smile when,
On light breeze, she did fit by?

Do you stop to look
At the little things around you?
How fleeting and momentary are our lives
In this endless cycle

Will someone notice when you are gone?
How many will remember you and smile?
We are not insignificant beings
Each one of us counts

Each one of us has something to give to another

Whether it be for just a passing moment
Or until we, in turn, enter the spiders shroud


©SWestlake 2008

Nov 19, 2010

Implant date is SET!


Today was the last of my blood tests! The implant is on Tuesday!
I'm kind of excited, and scared to. While the implant procedure is a piece of cake, I don't want to get my hopes up, and yet I want to stay as positive as I can. This little embryo is our last go. Probably ever, unless we come across a stray $11,000. Yeah. Right.
It's been such a long drawn out, emotionally and physically draining process. I really don't know how some women go back three, four, five etc times. Not only am I wondering how on earth they can afford it. But how can they go through all the whole ordeal every time and not become seriously depressed. I don't know how you could keep pushing so far that your marriage falls apart and you are left alone and with nothing to show for it at the end. I don't understand how a woman could be that wanting. (I can't use the word desperate, it sounds too harsh). Because I know the feeling of wanting this badly, but not at the risk of my relationship with my husband.
Sure, if it isn't successful, I'll be devastated, and I will grieve. But I'm not going to loose the family Ive already got because of it.
My family is the most important thing to me, and that's what I'll hold on to.

Nov 18, 2010

Pollywog in a Bog

One of my favourite bands Barenaked Ladies made a childrens' CD called "Snacktime". This is my favourite song from it. I just love it. Enjoy!



Meanwhile.. I have had blood tests every day since Monday. I am starting to feel like a pin cushion, and probably look like a junkie with the bruises on my arms. I rang the IVF clinic today and they said my FL (no idea what fl is) levels are peaking but not enough yet for implantation, so I have to continue with the blood tests.
So every morning I dutifully make my way down the street to the pathology lab. Then walk all the way back home again. It's getting rather annoying not having a car.
We caught the bus to the movies today and saw Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows - Part One. We loved it. I actually forgot about some of the things that happened in the book, so was surprised when they happened in the movie. You know when sometimes you have already read the book and the movie just doesn't excite you as much?
Anyway, that's it for me. My bloated tummy is full of Fizzers(long, chewy, flavoured fizzy candy, excellent movie food), and pork ribs and tea, and I really need to now go somewhere and curl up in a little ball and regret it all.. lol.

Nov 17, 2010

How I Met Your Father...

Yeah I borrowed the title from one of my favourite shows, and tweeked it just a tad.

Photo taken by me :)
Listening to “The Wedding Singer” soundtrack (I am an 80’s freak) , I thought of how much I loved the movie, and then I realized why. I can totally relate the plot of the movie to my own life.  No I don’t mean tragic hair (although back in the eighties I probably did).
When Robbie and Julia first met they were involved with other people. Julia, with a complete schmuck who didn’t appreciate her,  and Robbie to long-time girlfriend who left him at the altar. When my hubby and I first met we were going out with different people to. We were both on the same online dating site and found each other through our interest of writing. So we exchanged a few friendly emails. Meanwhile his relationship with the female schmuck who didn’t appreciate him ended, and mine with the creep who told me I was “Bigger” than what he was used to going out with, quickly ended as well, when I told him to not let the door hit him in the ass on the way out.  (Meanwhile he complained that these stick thin bimbos he goes out with either had too much baggage or no personality. I told him if he was ever going to find someone he needed to look beyond physical appearance and get to know a girl)
So our emails turned into phone conversations that lasted well into the night, and we decided a date would be the logical next step. The date was on the night before Mothers day, and we had arranged to meet at Sizzlers. Which, if I had given it any forethought, would have realized it would be packed out. So we got beer and pizza and headed back to my place to watch a movie. Yeah I know, stranger danger and all that, but I KNEW him. Like I’ve said before I can read people and I knew he was a good guy. Believe me I was careful. I was a single Mum. I didn't want any creeps in my home. The date went well, and no he didn’t stay the night. I had to work early the next day.  (He has since told me that all the way home that night he thought I didn’t like him and kicked him out cause I just wanted to get rid of him).
Long story short and we quickly fell in love and were married not long after, like Julia and Robbie. When you meet that person. The one who you can see living out the rest of your life with. Doing all those boring day to day things with. The one person you want to hold you when you are upset. The first person who comes to mind when you have something to tell. The one you wake up with and spoon in the mornings. The person you pour your heart out to.
When you meet THAT person, why wait I say.