.....When life gets you down, wait. It will most likely want to kick you a little more.
I am having a hard time dealing with some news we received yesterday. Let me paint the picture.
I am sick, I also have my period, so I am extremely hormonal at the moment. I have not mentioned this but we recently tried and failed another IVF cycle. Our last attempt at trying for a baby ended in heartbreak. So I am still a little sensitive on the subject. And to rub it in there appears to be a plethora of babies everywhere. It's hard. With every period I have I am thinking I shouldn't be having this, I should be enjoying being pregnant. Growing a new life inside of me. But I was dealing with it in my own time.
Then the other day I see a facebook friend, who has only just had a baby, is pregnant again with number 6. I am happy for her but my human nature also makes me want to scream. Then yesterday, with the most perfect timing, my horrid sister in law rings to tell us she is pregnant. 5 weeks. I totally lost it. I mean, really lost it.
I cried so hard and so much my eyes were blurry for the rest of the day.
Thoughts rushing through my head. I am not a horrible person, we are great parents, why is this happening to us? What have we done? Where is the justice? Stupid thoughts but I can't stop them.
In her defence, she didn't know about our latest IVF failure. It's just the timing makes me feel like I am being punished for something. For what?
With all the shit my little family has had to deal with, why can't we catch a break?
Life is a cruel, hard bitch.