Apr 15, 2012

Ladyscaping. Plus a nude cartoon of me.

Ladies, hands up if you agree with me.

Ladyscaping just ain’t what it used to be.

Am I right? 

Now that I am getting.. ahem..older and a little more..EHEM..rounder in the middle, I have found tending the ladygarden to be increasingly frustrating. So much so that I have contemplated going all hippy and letting it grow, free to its heart’s content.

Gone are the days of the humble pink daisy disposable razor. Us ladies are provided with more than a few options these days. Now when you are shopping for your next pruning tool you are bombarded with a plethora of choices.

Single blade, two blades, triple blade, four blades, five blades, moisture strip, moisture block, vibrating head, detachable heads, replaceable heads, two heads (no I made that one up).  All designed to make the experience much more pleasurable by revealing your “inner goddess” and “Freeing your skin”.
 Free my skin?
 I didn't know my skin needed liberating.  

Do I now need to go make up some placards?

shave Pictures, Images and Photos

Then there are the electric razors. They either cut or pull your hair. Call me crazy but what girl in her right mind would trust her girl parts to a small machine that either rips your hair out, or has dozens of samurai like blades whizzing round at a gazillion miles per hour, foil protection sheet or no. Not me.

Let me say this. None of these fancy razors make any difference when you have let yourself go slightly. It makes for a longer than normal shower time.

Moving on from the razors, the next step in feminine maintenance is the various crèmes, gels, mousses and sprays that are supposed to make all of your hair magically give up their hold on you and fall out of their follicles. This method is slightly more convenient than shaving, as you don’t have to contort yourself into a pretzel shape to reach the offending areas. You just point and shoot. So to speak. Only drawback is, is that you DO have to allot about ten to twenty minutes of your time where you will have to stand in the bathroom, naked from the waist down, legs spread, with mousse clinging to your nether regions. It’s a perfect time to catch up on a little reading, meditation, internet surfing, bill paying, phoning your mother in law...

At the end of the prescribed time you then scrape, rinse, buff, shine or scrub off the stuff to hopefully reveal super silky smooth skin underneath. It’s not a bad way to go. But don’t, DON’T under any circumstances do this mere minutes before a hot date. Pain hurty burny Bad...

Which brings me to the last method I will talk about today. Les Wax. I am sure most of you ladies have tried waxing at least one time in your lives. I did. ONCE. And that was only because I found a free sample strip in a magazine one time. I won’t go into detail but I can honestly say that I would rather hike to Mordor and fling myself into the fiery chasm of Mount Doom than ever do that again. EVER.. Having been unsuccessful in the removal of hair with the first strip, I tried it again in another area. Again people!.. I think I died a little inside. And the worse part of it was, I did not remove a single hair. Not one. 
And now here is my nude pic. Thats about as racy as I will get on here, so, appreciate away...
Drawing inspired by Vinny C. How did I do Vinny?

Needless to say I will not sympathise with any male when he complains about having to shave his face, once or twice a week. You’ve got nothing on what us girls have to go through. 



  1. I laughed all the way through this post... Then I saw the caption on your drawing.

    I'm flattered I am such an inspiration.

  2. *giggling insanely* Oh, how I can relate with you, Sprite! Though I have to admit I've never tried waxing my 'ladygarden'. The thought of it makes me cringe. I'd rather walk naked down Chicago's Lakeshore Drive first!

  3. I've been married a long time and all I need to know about this topic is to not be around when it happens. By the way, have you redesigned your blog? I think it looks great!

  4. try waxing your pits sometime, Sprite. That may be THE PAIN LIKE NO OTHER. And yet--it's compelling!

  5. Yes, I agree . . . nice update to your site!

    As for the topic on hand, er -- let's just say I'm glad I only have to worry about the face area and leave it at that. :)

  6. Chronologically, I'm older than dirt, but mentally--I'll be five and a half soon.

    That, of course, means I have absolutely no idea what a ladygarden is or how to properly weed it. ;-)

  7. What Vinny said. Laughing.
    Also laughing when I hear choice swearing coming out of the bathroom every now and then.

  8. I had to laugh about the Vinny inspired drawing too! Being a guy, other than that I will add na...thing.

  9. oh man, tending to the tumbleweed is my least favorite shower chore. but since i've lost a bit of weight, at least i can get a clear visual rather than shaving via the braille method now.

  10. @Vinny aww thanks..it's not as good as yours but I though the post needed a visual aide.
    @thecatandthecoffeecup The only wax that touches me is on my eyebrows, and that's still once in a blue moon.
    @Stephen probably a wise move.. and thanks
    @Karen I will forgo the torture thanks.
    @David.. thanks. And you are lucky
    @Superearthling You will find out soon enough..lol
    @Ant I feel her pain..lol.
    @dbs Thanks! wise move :)
    @Sherilin you are lucky, I have to go by feel unless I bend myself almost completely in half.

  11. I died a little inside with you. Taming the lady mane is the worst landscaping job I have to do.

    And if you ever draw me, can I have big boobs???

  12. Amen sister!! This is soooo true, and I loved the way you put it into perspective. :) Your post brightened my day. lol

  13. and then it turns grey and falls out!

  14. @Lizbeth yes, you can have big boobs :)
    @Kelli WOOHOO! I brightened someones day!
    @Carole You are so funny! I'd LOVE it to fall out.. not from my head though... lol

  15. Hilarious! And so true. I do like my epilator for my legs, but it is going nowhere near my lady bits. No way, no how!

  16. @Meg..ooo..isn't that the one that PULLS? OUCHY!

  17. I am still giggling. How I can relate. Thinking of going the hippie route as well.


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